One year ago my mom posted on my Facebook wall Psalm 27:13-14. It says,
“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.
Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
I laughed a little when I read it because the Father has been talking to me so much the past few weeks about waiting. A year ago my heart was breaking from waiting to have a baby. Now I am sitting and waiting for this little promise fulfilled to make his appearance in this world (and he is late, of course)! Everyone can relate to seasons of waiting. Whether you are waiting on the Lord to open a door for a new job, waiting for healing, or waiting on the spouse the Lord has for you, we have all waited on something in life.
We do not like to wait for anything. We want things when we want them, but deeper than that we do not like to be out of control. If I could pencil into my calendar exactly when I was going to get pregnant or the exact date David would come into the world I would feel in control. I would think I didn’t have much of a need for the Lord because I can just plan it all out. Life simply does not work like that. Just like there was nothing I could do to make myself get pregnant, now there is nothing I can do to make myself go into labor (trust me, I've tried!). So I have to ask myself, “What is the Lord doing in all of this?” These days can feel like a waste of time, but I know God does not waste anything.
As I reflect on my journey since first finding out I had endometriosis at 18 years old, I am overwhelmed. Could the Lord have allowed me to get pregnant right away when the endometriosis came back for the third time? Absolutely, but He had a bigger plan than giving me what I wanted right then. His thoughts and plans are so much higher and bigger than I could ever imagine! In that season of waiting I came to a place of deeper reliance on the Father. Even though I was not seeing it play out in front of me, I believed He knew what was best for me, He was a good Father, and He was FAITHFUL to His promises!
In the season of waiting there is such a special invitation to allow the Father to wrap His arms around you and carry you through. He is not far away. He is never distant. He is never stuck. We might feel stuck and see no hope for the future, but He is always up to something good. We have to renew our minds to the truth that He is always on the move. Everything has purpose and He will use it all for our good and His glory.
It is so important to recognize seasons of waiting do not always equal a season of wilderness. Just because you are waiting does not mean the Father is punishing you. I will never fully know all the reasons why the Father allowed Paul and I to go through the pain and suffering of endometriosis and infertility, but I have peace in the fact that He knows. I know that season would have looked so different if I was constantly asking the Lord, "Why are You being so mean to me?" or "What have I done to deserve this?" I would have missed out on what the Lord had for me in that difficult season because I was being too stubborn to look beyond my heartache. Do not get stuck trying to figure out what you can do to get out of your season of waiting. Press into the Father’s heart and try to get everything out of the waiting that you can.
The weeks before my third surgery I played the song “Take Courage” over and over and wept as I let this truth rush into my heart. (Link to the song is at the bottom of this post.) One of the lyrics says “Hold onto your hope, as your triumph unfolds. He’s never failing.” I sang that line over and over. I held onto hope that my triumph was unfolding before me even though I could not see it. Going through with surgery after so much time trying to get pregnant felt like total defeat. Little did I know, God was about to show off in a big way. Two months after that surgery, with no infertility medication, I became pregnant. I want to shout and cry at the same time while writing that!!! THANK YOU, JESUS! Our God is so big and faithful!! Nothing is impossible for Him!
If you are in a season of waiting, take courage!! He is with you, everything He is doing has purpose, and He is faithful to His promises. Rest in knowing that the God of the universe is working on your behalf. He loves you more than our hearts could ever comprehend. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”