August 23, 2018

A few months ago, I was finally getting around to decorating our guest room. I went to Hobby Lobby because, duh, where else would I go! I stumbled across this piece in the clearance aisle. I liked the look and the price was right so I went for it! Choosing my décor normally takes a lot more thought than that, but my main goal was to not spend much money so this was a winner! One night a few days after I had hung it on the wall, David woke up over and over in the night. We had company in town, I was leading worship the next day at church, and we had a jam-packed weekend. The fourth or fifth or eighteenth time (I lost count) I walked into his room, I happened to glance in the guest room and the words on the sign caught my attention like never before. It reads, “Just enough grace for today.” I was having intense, irrational, middle-of-the-night anxiety. I was feeling totally overwhelmed by all that needed to be accomplished in the next couple days and running on no sleep was not going to...

June 15, 2018

My son, David, is a little butter ball of chunky goodness. Everyone comments on what a chubby little cutie he is. I love every little leg roll and his kissable cheeks. It’s is a wonderful and endearing thing that is a little chunk, but can you imagine if people said those things to me? “Taylor, I just love your squishy belly!” I am pretty sure I would not know how to respond! Post-baby body is something that gets A LOT of attention. I was surprised after David was born how many women asked me how I felt about my body. Here I am, holding a miracle in my arms, but we as women want to focus on our weight and stretch marks? Somewhere our priorities have gotten out of line.

Women long for their bodies to go back to what it was before it was transformed into a little baby home. My husband, Paul, still refers to my belly as “David’s old room!” The reality is, it took a LONG time for our bodies to stretch out like that and they are not going to go back to normal overnight.  However, that is the...

February 12, 2018

One late night, I was rocking David to sleep and staring with heavy eyes at the wall in his nursery. On that wall hangs an old reclaimed piece of wood that I painted an arrow on with the Scripture reference Psalm 127:3-5. I gave it to Paul for his birthday several years ago when we first began trying to have children. It has always been special to us and it was sweeter than I could ever explain to be able to hang it in David’s nursery. It reads, “Behold, children are a heritage and gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed [happy and fortunate] is the man whose quiver is filled with them” (AMP).

As I looked at that arrow hanging on his wall like I had done hundreds of times before, I heard the Lord say, “What is the purpose of an arrow?” My immediate response to Him was, “To be shot out.” Bingo. The Lord does not give us a quiver full of arrows so we can hold them tightly and never let them g...

January 24, 2018

So here we go. Another self-image blog…cool. When I first felt like I should write about this, it seemed so shallow. “Really, Lord? You want me to talk about my longing to be pretty? Isn’t there something deeper I could talk about?” Well, I am sure there are many other things I could write about, but the Father cares about this topic. Actually, He cares about it very deeply because He cares about me very deeply. When I struggle with hating the way I look or loathing what I see in the mirror, He is not waiting angrily for me to get over myself. He is desiring that I invite Him into this struggle. His heart is exploding to show me the way He sees me - the way He created me!

The Father really dealt with my heart about self-image about two years ago when I was very sick and gained weight rapidly. I felt disgusting and was constantly starting diets just to give up on them a few days or weeks later. I was about to go on a trip and was so frustrated with my body while packing to visit people I...

August 3, 2017

One year ago my mom posted on my Facebook wall Psalm 27:13-14. It says,

“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
    while I am here in the land of the living.

Wait patiently for the Lord.
    Be brave and courageous.
    Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”

I laughed a little when I read it because the Father has been talking to me so much the past few weeks about waiting. A year ago my heart was breaking from waiting to have a baby. Now I am sitting and waiting for this little promise fulfilled to make his appearance in this world (and he is late, of course)! Everyone can relate to seasons of waiting. Whether you are waiting on the Lord to open a door for a new job, waiting for healing, or waiting on the spouse the Lord has for you, we have all waited on something in life.

We do not like to wait for anything. We want things when we want them, but deeper than that we do not like to be out of control. If I could pencil into my calendar e...

March 19, 2017

“Fear is a thief. It erodes our faith, plunders our hope, steals our freedom, and takes away our joy of living the abundant life in Christ.” –Neil T. Anderson, Freedom from Fear.

For my entire first trimester, I barely even let my heart acknowledge that I was pregnant. I was so fearful that I was going to miscarry that I tried to protect my heart from the disappointment of possibly losing the baby by not really feeling the magnitude of this miracle. I knew Paul could tell something was wrong. He would ask me how I was doing or what excited me the most about the baby being born and I could barely answer him. He was trying to connect to my heart, but I could not allow myself to dream because I was so fearful something was going to go wrong. Every doctor appointment we had I would brace myself for the horrible news that there was no heartbeat. I was not dreaming about the future with a son or daughter. I barely even felt joy. Fear had totally paralyzed me and was completely controlling my...

January 24, 2017

The morning of our 3rd anniversary, I woke up early with an excitement in my heart. Paul had surprised me the night before by taking me to a fancy hotel in downtown Indianapolis. The sun was starting to peak through the curtains as I got up to start the day. I was supposed to take a pregnancy test that morning to confirm I wasn't pregnant in order to start our first round of fertility treatment after having surgery. As always, I was hopeful, but trying to prepare myself for the familiar disappointment I had felt after so many negative pregnancy tests. I tried to logically explain to myself that there was no way I was pregnant, so just take the test and get it over with. So you can imagine my total shock when I looked and almost immediately a second line appeared! In absolute disbelief I checked the instructions on the box a million times (because you can obviously pee on a stick incorrectly). The second line kept getting darker and darker and I honestly could not believe my eyes. I sto...

October 26, 2016

In this season, I have been forced to be SO STILL. Like, goodness gracious, this could qualify as torture! There have been times when I haven’t been able to leave the house for over a week (and probably about drove my husband crazy!) I LOVE to be busy. I am genuinely having the most fun when my schedule is full from dawn to dusk and I am being pushed to my limits. Although my love for activity in and of itself might not be a bad thing, in this season of stillness I have been forced to do some major soul searching. Some days, the stillness was so hard I would wake up and feel depressed without understanding why and could not get myself out of the funk! You know why I could not get myself out of the funk? Because I was unable to use my wonderful, well-practiced coping mechanisms, such as keeping busy, that distract me from having to be real with myself and the Lord about what is in my heart.

As I started to realize that the Father was going after something inside of me, I asked Him to rev...

August 26, 2016

As my pain worsens every day the discouragement seems to grow with it. This past week has been one of the worst weeks of pain ever and it feels like it will never end. I was praying about my doctors and all the changes that have been made to my treatment plan lately and the Lord whispered to my heart, “When everything falls apart in life, it is okay to feel.” Let me tell you, right now I am feeling a lot! At different times I feel discouraged, upset, angry, depressed, and confused and the list could go on. When I begin to feel, I contempt myself for having those emotions. I think to myself, “If I really relied on the Father I wouldn’t feel this way right now.” Oh really? That’s strange because I think the Father CREATED emotions! We make them out to be so bad, but the Lord gave them to us and they are a gift! Those emotions can do one of two things: they can send us running to the Father or running away from Him. His heart is for us to feel the realities of this life and run to His saf...

August 16, 2016

As women, we can imagine a thousand horrible outcomes of one situation before we even realize we are doing it. The Lord has been showing me how anxiety plagues the lives of so many people, but we think it is normal to live with these constant fears. The Father wants to challenge what we live with as our “normal” and show His heart for us to live in peace and joy. I asked Him what anxiety is and He said to me, “The root of anxiety is fear of the future.” I started thinking of different times I have experienced anxiety in my own life. I found what He said to be true in every situation I could recall. The root of my anxiety was not knowing how something was going to turn out and not having any control over it.

My grandfather went to the hospital last week for the second time in a month due to complications after his open heart surgery. When I heard the news, I felt so much anxiety. Before driving to Illinois to be with my family at the hospital, I went to lunch with my husband, Paul. I was...

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